The Love of Me
by Luce The Genius Panda
Summary: "... A day when you realized you were in love and the person you love, you assumed, didn't reciprocate is the day when you decided to do the entire thing, even the unimaginable, to make that person happy even from afar... "


**A/N 1:** I have the same story under the same name in my Fictionpress account. I knew I think this story more for that site rather this one, but I just like to post it in both sites, so please don't comment on that since I already told you why.

**A/N 2:** This story is un-beta, so I'm sure you all will find a lot of mistakes, but I'm sorry I couldn't do anything about it but I will try to repair it in the future.

**A/N 3:** This is a short story, probably just three till five chapters. Will be updated when I'm in the right mood for this story or I have enough inspiration to go on with this. But I will assure you all for this one, I will not abandoned it, just a slow update.

**Disclaimer:** If you found anything with a copyright like names, songs, things, or anything at all beside the plot and my OC then it's all belong to their right owner and not me. I make no money for this story. This is just me rambling.

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A day when you realized you were in love and the person you love, you assumed, didn't reciprocate is the day when you decided to do the entire thing, even the unimaginable, to make that person happy even from afar. You already love her since sophomore, crushing on her all the way from 8th grade to freshman. Both her best friends, who happen to be your best friend too, knew about your love for her. Sometimes you didn't know whether she's stupid or just plainly insensitive for someone so smart and passionate about something when you lost control and obviously telling her you love her more than just friend with your body languages and gestures for her.

This friend of yours who happens to be the love of your life since sophomore till now in adulthood is Allison Blake, a very awesome person who you protected from bullies since 8th grade. Your step-brother, Archele Chevre, and your other best friend, Amanda Torres, always urged you to tell her and make her see this obvious thing. However, you refused. You always refuse and say that it's all too complicate and people wouldn't understand. You didn't fear about your adopted parents since they knew about you and your sexuality this whole time before they adopted you. You fear about Aliison's parents, her family and how she would react. You didn't mind rejection, what you couldn't bring to lose is your friendship. You didn't want her to be cautious around you because you honestly didn't expect anything if she reject you, you just want to be there for her, be her friend, even if its hurt yourself in the end, but you're not sure things will be the same again if she knew about your feelings for her. So you always choose to stay silent.

Up until college your parents didn't know about this, but your stupid brother and best friend had to open their mouth and now you had your parents too, urging you telling Allison about your feeling. She's now a very popular country singer just like her father and you just a college student. You didn't want to be a person who block her dreams, so you just content with watching her from behind. You also have new way to cope after watching her getting hurt by her current stupid boyfriend. It's you running around with girls in one-night-stand so it wont hurt that much when you see her crying because her break up with said stupid boyfriend. Wishing you could feel how to be her lover even for one moment.

The four person who knew your feelings towards Allison just shook their head and thinking whether you just plainly stupid or undoubtedly devoted with your love ones. You didn't know the answer and wont give them satisfaction to do so. Until you finished college at 23 years old, you stop dating and just completely devote to Allison without her knowing it. Michael and Amy was completely in love and currently making its their life mission to annoy you as much as possible and urge you to ask Allison on a date so you all could stick together like when you were in school and have double-date anytime you want. Of course, the stubborn side of you refuse to do so and just admire the love of your life from afar. Like always.

A valedictorian and fresh graduate make you easily became teacher in your college. You also a very secret agent for government because your father's position and the test you took just a year before you graduate, which according to your father, you passed with flying score. So at 24, you have a very amazing job at your college and also a very satisfying secret job from your government. Of course the latter job only four people that know, exclude Allison. Your brother and now sister-in-law usually joked about how you didn't mind them in danger while not Allison because that's your usual reason as to why you didn't tell Allison; because she would be in danger.

Her singing career becomes more and more sky-rocketing, she won grammy awards and was in everywhere, but its been months since you noticed her dating anyone. She still hangs around with the three of you, even more so now that she didn't have boyfriend. Though you noticed that she seems enjoying your company more when you both alone rather than when you with your friends, but you dismissed it as your own wistful thinking.

Then the dreading mission came. You have to go to Iraq and you told her just that. She was upset because you hid it all this time that you're an agent, more so because Amy and Michael knew about this. You couldn't tell her your reason because it means you will tell her about your feeling for her, so you keep silent and tried to hide the hurt that currently reside in your heart while trying to make her feeling better and not hurting by this mission or you altogether.

The day you finally have to go, she came. She hugged you and made you promised that you'll be back to her. You looked at her in the eyes, she seems looking at you back, like she's searching for something. You then decided to be unguarded for a moment. You let the love you've been held appear, letting her read through you like an open book and make her see your vulnerability. You didn't know if she indeed saw it or not but her eyes widen ever so slightly before she smile a small soft smile you always love. The smile you only see when it just the two of you. A smile that is so beautiful it could light up the room and calm the storm.

She said she was sorry and understands why you didn't tell her about your other job. You just smile, honestly you didn't whether she really know or just assuming. She also said that when you come back alive she will tell you something. With the word 'alive' your smile faltered a bit. You knew your mission, what you have to do, so you really didn't know if you will come back alive. Seeing this, she urged you to do so. To come back alive, not just come back. You just silently stare at her, the airport has announce your departure, so you take your leave without saying anything further.

"Lucinda Stellar!" she called after you when you kinda few feet away from her.

You turned around and saw her rushing towards you, stopping just inches from you. She looked at you, like she want to kiss you but there's a lot of hesitation in her movement. So, once again you dismissed it as your wistful thinking since first, it's absurd how a person like her could want a person like you and second, she leaned in to give you a hug. Very tightly in fact.

"With your shield or on it" she whispered, her voice shaky and her eyes teary. You knew she willing up herself not to cry and brace herself for whatever will come in the future.

You nodded and you left, never once turned around to see her with a drop of tear fell from her beautiful face.

Few months later, exactly a month before her birthday in December, you called. You didn't know if the nuclear things were on news already or not. But apparently it is, because the second she got your call, her voice filled with worries. You assured you that you'll be back shortly because now you're in a plane on your way to the State. She seems relief since she let out the breath, you thought, she held since she accepted your call.

But what you didn't tell her is that you're in an ambulance plane, because just few hours ago you was inside that building few miles from the nuclear, seeing your comrades fell and remembering that you killed hundreds people for your country, and you barely made out alive with how much radiation you inhaled when you tried to stop the nuclear to explode from afar.

You lost track on how long you've been suffering, you just remembered you had five bullets inside your body. you still bleeding badly. and you kind of promised to comes back to the State. A promised you desperately want to fulfill. And then finally the plane came. The president also called you out from the mission and promised the best treatment from all over the world for you, because not only you saved your country, you also saved Iraq and indirectly made Iraq the ally to the State.

You barely alive when you in that plane that gave you first treatment to hold on until you arrive to the hospital and properly healed. You didn't know if you'll be able to make it or not. So you called her in your last moment, said you just checking and assured her you'll be back, again and again.

Then you felt yourself slipping away from the world, so you asked her to sing. She asked you what song and you said;

"Whatever… as long as it's yours" your voice weak, the doctors tried to make you stop talking and putting off the phone, but you won't have it.

She may or may not hear the small commotion because she seemed to hold her breath again for a moment and her voice trembled but she sung, like you want her to do.

"I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right. And when you held me in your arms, September night the first time you ever saw me… cry…" she sung beautifully still even when her voice shaky and her breath hitched again at the last part as if she realized on something, you don't know what is it and don't have the energy to think about it. So in the end, you said your last two words.

"keep… singing" before you hung up on her by letting the phone fell cause you couldn't keep going, your wound and the fatigue was finally taking over your body.

You missed how she slumped on the floor, phone fell with a loud thud, and she cried hard with her family, both you and her best friends and your parents watching with sad looks, probably guessing what's happening at the moment.

And when you finally closed your eyes, you was sure that if this is the last time you close your eyes and will never open it again, you have no regrets at all. Especially because you could hear her beautiful voice for the last time. Yes, her voice is enough to lull you into your deepest slumber, even when she still don't know about your real feeling for her...

It's enough for you.

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How do you like it? Any comment would be appreciated.

Thank you very much for reading.


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